toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
