i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
