I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
