Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
