i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
