Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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