thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
