I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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