are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
