I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
