Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
