i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
