So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
