I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
