words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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