they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
