You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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