Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
