Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
