new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
