Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
