Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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