You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
