not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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