Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
