I showed him my bush... on skype.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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