Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
