She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
handjob tips. give me some.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
