I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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