Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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