even my farts smell like vagina
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
