I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
