some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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