I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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