you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
there was a trapeze. enough said
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
