She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
