the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize