Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
