Non-Jews are for practice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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