I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
