Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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