ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
