The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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