How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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