70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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