just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
