I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize