I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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