i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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