I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
