Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
