dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
