Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
