I like my sex mixed with concussions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
