I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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