Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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