what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
