Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
