Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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