A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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