Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
