For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
