we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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