You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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