Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
