Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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