i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
