Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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