As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
