They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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