so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I love you. Go after that dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
