She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
