I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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