how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
