Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
