Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
