video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
