it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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