Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
