she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
