I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
