Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
