My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
