sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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