He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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