Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
