I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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