We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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