Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
