Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize