Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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