Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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